I was talking to my best friend the other day and we both shared how we needed to leave somethings in 2018. Honestly, we all do. I’m sure you’re working on your list as well. The conversation was confirmation for me regarding an issue I’d been working through the past few months. I’m not into male bashing. Men are magnificent beings, who in their most genuine form, can impact nations. I applaud them mistakes and all. Keep trying, keep pushing. I need you to know this though. Some men never realize their greatness. You can’t blame them. Acknowledge the potential for greatness and move on.
This is an extremely personal piece. About me and a man I do not know. Just an excerpt from one of my upcoming books. I pray it helps someone.
I have daddy issues. Daddy issues can cause defiance, aggression, etc. There are studies, I’m not a doctor. I am a daughter.
Let me say something that I never imagined I would say publicly. I don’t know my father.
Let me say something I’ve always denied. His absence affected me, deeply.
My first memory associated with him is of my dog Hollywood. He bought it for me. I named it. I was 2, the next time I remember seeing him is at 14.
I was raised by my step-father, he came into my life at 4yrs old. I’ve called him Daddy from the first meeting. He was not perfect. Daddy was demanding and strict. He was cold and saw things only in black and white. Emotions were not his thing. Expressing them or understanding them. Business, logic, education was his thing. I was precocious and loved to learn. We forged a bond.
He came into my life at 4, he left my life in my mid-thirties. He was my Dad. If I called, he’d answer. Always. In his time.
Here’s what I know about my biological father. I know his name. I know the times we’ve spoken, he tells me how much he loves me. In working through these issues I’ve learned that I must acknowledge that.
Of course, he loves me.
He reached out a year or so ago. I didn’t know what to say. I worked through my thoughts by:
- Quickly identifying the problem. I didn’t know what to say
- Worked on a healthy solution. i.e. prayed, sought wise counsel
- Learned to focus on my part. Be open to hear
A few months later I called him back. If I really want to be a better woman, I needed to let go and forgive. The phone still hasn’t rung. I was angry for a minute but realized that would not serve me well.
That brings me back to leaving things in 2018. The love shown by the man who raised me helped to shield me from the brunt of the damage. I know I’m better off because of his influence. Nevertheless, the older I get, the more I’m realizing that I have been damaged from debris caused by my biological fathers’ absence.
Daddy issues can cause defiance and combativeness. I’m tired of fighting. I’m owning every inch of who I am. It’s not all good. The work never stops, becoming my best self is a 24-hour job. The last 41 years have been an eye-opening journey and I look forward to what the new year has in store for me!
What are you leaving behind this year? I’m leaving the debris of daddy issues in 2018.